


When the Dark only gets Darker

by KliqzAngel



Series: Make Me Want You.  Want You to Make Me. [7]
Category: Leverage RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: BDSM, Dark fic, Dom!Jared, Dom/sub, M/M, Self Destructive Tendancies, Sub!Chris, it makes me cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:56:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6028558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KliqzAngel/pseuds/KliqzAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Darkness</p>
<p>Fortunately people love you even when you forget you're lovable. Sometimes that isn't enough though. You can't go upward on demand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the Dark only gets Darker

**Author's Note:**

> This series will be darker than what I usually write. All but one story came out in first person POV, which I don’t write much so I hope it came out alright. This is for an old prompt challenge over at Jared Chris on Livejournal.
> 
> This was written by someone (me) without experience in this type of relationship. I did do research, and speak with friends who do have experience in this world. I tried my best to be true to this type of relationship and not get too far out over my skis. I do understand abuse and BDSM are NOT the same thing. I tried very hard to make sure that while both are discussed in this series along with self destructive tendencies, that there was a difference.
> 
> Please no throwing stones. I won't enjoy it, and the series is old enough it won't change anything.

There is no light only darkness.

There is no happiness only pain.

There is nothing because I have nothing and I have accepted that there is no hope, there is no savior, there is no more anything because Jared is never coming.

Aldis follows me everywhere now. He won’t leave me alone. He found me at my worst and now he won’t leave me alone. It was bound to happen. I forgot a call. I’d slipped so far that I didn’t even care anymore about Elliot and it showed. I forgot and he found me and now he won’t leave me alone. He doesn’t understand. There are all these words that keep coming out of him, but they make no sense because he doesn’t understand and I don’t care.

My world consists of only darkness now. There is no Jared who was my light, and now that he is gone forever into the murkiness beyond the here I am suffering through there is only darkness. I want for only his touch. I long for only his kiss. I ache for only those arms to wrap around me and that voice to tell me it’s going to be ok. The only thing that will pull me out from here is the only thing I will never get back.

He thinks he knows. HE thinks because he found me beaten and bloody that he has all the answers, when in truth he’s as much in the dark as I am. I don’t go to them anymore. Not because my penance is over, but because he won’t let me. I am as much Aldis’ prisoner as I have ever been my own. He says things like ‘it’s for my own good’ and ‘I’m only trying to help’, but without understanding he only does more damage than good and the darkness only gets darker.

He called Steve who called Jensen and together they rushed in and swept me from my hole. So now I find myself in Vancouver and there’s more words that make no sense because like him they don’t understand. The only one who does is nowhere to be found. There’s anger and shouting. There’s soft and pleading. There’s begging and bargaining and demanding and threatening. 

And then there is quiet.

The dark has never been this completely black before. There is only absence of light here. It’s been days, hours, years, minutes, forever since last Jared was with me, since I belonged. It’s been so long that I don’t know that I remember the reality or if maybe my remembering is only a fantasy of something that maybe I never had. I’m so far down that there is nothing that can save me.

Just when I think the darkness can’t get darker, it does,

I’m standing on the street. Arms crossed around my middle. Face drawn, bag thrown over my shoulder, without any sense of where I am or where I need to be. In the end there were only ultimatums and things that I couldn’t do. I couldn’t because they don’t understand and at this point I don’t think they ever will. Years I have been loyal to them. Years I have watched their backs and fixed their mess ups and healed their broken hearts. And yet I know it isn’t their fault. They don’t understand because I gave them no opportunity to. They had no idea who the man inside the character that is Christian Fucking Kane. They didn’t. They don’t and the fault is only mine to bear, if only the weight wasn’t more than I can bear. 

I don’t know how I got here. I don’t remember riding or walking. I remember being there and now I am here and I don’t remember the in-between. Not that it matters. 

I turn to leave when I hear dog barks and feel the wetness of a doggy tongue on my palm. Sadie. His lady. Then the weight of my bag is gone, and the burden of my life is lifted as he lifts me and carries me into his home. Then there’s nothing but silence and sleep.

When the morning comes there are tears and promises and shameless belittling begging until he lifts me to my feet again and instructs me to never do that again. His fingers are stroking my cheek. His arm is circling my waist. His mouth presses into mine, then to my forehead. His cheek presses against my hair and his voice… his voice is there. It’s back. It’s everything I remembered and everything I forgot it to be. 

And when I open my eyes next the darkness has receded a little. Far enough that I can see him. Far enough that I know there is hope if I only accept.

And I do.

And there is.

And he loves.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of several older fics that I have decided to post to AO3. They've resided for years on my personal archive, but I am thinking of getting rid of it. I want to make sure some of them are posted here. So, if you think you read this or some others I am posting over the next few days somewhere before... you probably have. They were also posted on LiveJournal.


End file.
